to take sweet care of those roots from where i come from.

statue of liberty, nyc

when i first moved here a month after college,
it was a personal insult to be called a tourist.

i tried so hard to act like a local, & remember feeling such pride
when i could give street directions to a stranger for the first time.

i had to learn how to survive & communicate & build here
– both personally & professionally. it was an entirely new language
for me & brought priceless mistakes & life-changing growth.

but it’s funny how everything circles around. the other day,
the dear man at the bodega asked me if i was a tourist.
because i asked him how his day was going, he said.

& i felt like i couldn’t hear a better compliment!
because while i’m so grateful & proud to have learned
this new language, i’ve also learned that i want

to take sweet care of those roots from where i come from.

all because we were too speechless to speak & too moved to just sit still.

les mes, broadway

ty surprised me with another newyorkcity date tonight
that took my breath away & leaves me inspired.

i first discovered the soundtrack of Les Miserables
circa 1996 after swiping it from my sister’s cassette collection.
me & my best-friend-jennie-since-i-was-two

had every song memorized before we could drive, & yet
i gained no worldly clue into the depths of its plot of pain, joy,
mercy, & grace until my late twenties.

i’m currently convinced that broadway may never find its match!
never have i felt such intensity from a cast or never have i felt

the audience on the verge of a standing ovation after each
musical number. all because we were too speechless
to speak & too moved to just sit still.

humanity is complicated & can carry misery indeed, but oh!
grace is beautiful & necessary & available
if we choose to receive & give it.

“to love another person is to see the face of god.”

an identity that is never meant to be found on paper.

governor's mansion, nashville

what a lovely evening at the governor’s mansion in nashville!
first lady haslam & her staff were simply a delight to work with.

i’m just so very inspired & encouraged by the conversations
that filled this foyer during the Q Women reception tonight.

(plus, my visual language was really digging this decor era)

the theme on repeat is that
we are exhausted from striving to find an identity
that is never meant to be found on paper.

we are over feeling the anxiety of our inner idols
& are kicking down fake & competitive walls.

it’s a rising we’re feeling, it’s a new light we’re learning together.
hallelujah & amen & let’s dadgum roll, cause life is a gift & it’s time!

my holiday at sea.

a good while ago now,
writing was taken away from me.
i mean it, it was up & taken
away from me.

leaving
this hole

inside of me.
tiny – but
definitely
there.

i tried to power through for awhile
there with writing – but it all sucked.
it really just was awful & forced

& cheesy. i’m not trying to
be vainfully self-depricating,

it just really sucked, & probably
mostly because i no longer
enjoyed it or felt alive.

even the joyment of writing
was taken away from me.

the dearest of friends
from both old & new
knew this to be the case

but what i love about these
friendships is how they pushed me

to challenge why it is the case.
they didn’t even focus on writing itself
but on the backbone of it all.

narrowing in
on the life & heartbeat of it
that was beginning to be exposed
& processed in order to grow.

i swear, these past two years have been
the most ugliest & most beautiful

i have ever known my inner-self to be
all at the same time.

all filled with various threaded journeys
& the stripping of layers upon layers
of my inner heart condition.

you see, there have been all these idols
driving my thoughts & actions for years.

founded in the inner needs for approval of others
& not always believing that god is big enough
to be god above all & to everyone.

leading me to establish unhealthy
perspectives & habits.

during this time
when the writing was
up & taken away from me,
much was unveiled to me. Continue reading “my holiday at sea.”